


all i hear (the pound of my heartbeat)

by yoonminsmofo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Disability, M/M, deaf!zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4339574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonminsmofo/pseuds/yoonminsmofo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn's a deaf optimist. <br/>Niall's sort of dead.<br/>He really tries for Zayn, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all i hear (the pound of my heartbeat)

i.

He was happy he wasn't blind. There was nothing that could satisfy him more than seeing the touch of a golden ray of sun hitting his lilac wall. He was happy he could see the way last night's remnants of rain on his window made black specks on his walls. And the way the moon and sun were both still in the sky, both hopelessly reaching and never touching. 

Zayn was happy he wasn't blind.

ii.

He wishes he was blind. There was no light in his room with bare walls and closed shutters. He looked beside him and saw a note sprawled messily on his bedside table. He didn't even want to read it if it had anything to do with the random hook up of last night which it always did. He wished he couldn't see the slight dent on the opposite side of his bed where - Braden? Glen? Troye? - had slept the previous night before he figured he could be a total dick about everything. Niall doesn't remember most of what happened, but knows there was a point where he locked himself in the bathroom and threw up and cried for half an hour, his stupid shag sleeping through it.

Niall was bummed he wasn't blind.

iii.

"You're picking Zayn up, right?" Niall rolled his eyes obnoxiously at an unbeknownst Louis on the other end who only knew how to state the obvious. 

"Who else is going to if you and Harry only know how to eat each other's faces off and Liam has been MIA with Seth all week?" Niall stated matter of factly. If there was anything Niall woke up for, it was Zayn. There really wasn't anything else.

"Update: Seth took Liam to meet his parents!" Louis squealed from the other end. There was nothing that made Louis happier than his own brother's happiness and even Niall could say that Liam's happiness was really cute. "So be fucking nice, ya dick! I'll see you in class. Love you Ni. Tell Zaynie I love him!"

Niall nodded and told Louis he loved him and Harry back before hanging up. He put on his sweater - the one Zayn adored - and left the house quickly so he wouldn't be late. 

Zayn was already ready and sitting on the front porch outside of the lobby, eyes happily scanning the kind people in his complex. Older ladies would wave and smile at him while his favorite bunch of kids rushed down the stairs to him. They understood he couldn't hear but they didn't mind because Zayn was Zayn and everyone loved Zayn. 

The kids would pull him out front to the green pasture and they'd play tag together happily. Sometimes, Zayn would lift them and give them rides. Other times they'd just play hide and seek. All in all, no matter what they were doing, if Zayn was there, there was immediate delight and joy in the air. 

"Niall's here!" Zayn could make out that much from one of the kid's lips and he happily turned his head to see the ever so beautiful Niall coming towards him. 

'Sorry if I'm late,' he signs. Zayn shakes his head and waves his hand dismissively when Niall's close enough.

'You know the kids always keep me company,' Zayn signs. Niall smiles again and kisses Zayn's cheek with a gentle hand around his waist. The kids pretend to gag and fuss over the gross scene as Zayn can see which only makes him giggle.

"Niall? Can you please play with us?" 

"Yeah please? Oh please Niall?"

Niall couldn't decline them and it was only 8:46 and class didn't start until 9:15... 

Niall tagged Zayn's shoulder and signed 'you're it!' quickly. Niall began running and even picked up the smallest child to pull him along. Zayn smiled before running after them, an adoring smile on his face.

Zayn felt amazing and happy and it was ridiculous how his life had come to this and how he battled being deaf and having Niall in his life and this amazing persona that everyone adored. Everything only looked up for him. 

They lost track of time and before they knew it, Niall was lying on the ground with all the young kids scattered around him or playing with his shoes and hair. Zayn had taken out his crappy phone that he barely used and - 

'Niall! It's 9:07!' Zayn signed. He slammed down onto Niall's body and straddled his waist to flash his phone in Niall's face. 'We have to go!' Niall let panic overtake him as he got up hurriedly and explained to the kids that they needed to go now. 

"Can you come play with us again after school when you drop off Zayn?" The youngest asked. Niall picked him up and smiled at him before whispering something in his ear. The boy's eyes lit up as he smiled and nodded.

Zayn was a little hurt but he smiled anyway. He hated it when Niall spoke to people in secret or didn't sign what he was saying and it made Zayn mad at himself. But he knew Niall didn't mean it and that Niall was only human. 

Niall put the boy down and took Zayn's hand before walking to his car, Zayn moving into the passenger seat. Niall smiled softly at him and sighed deeply.

Fuck, they were late.

iv.

Class was never fun and no one ever cared about class but Zayn. He was eloquent and smart and talented and Niall knew that there was not a thing this boy could do under perfectly. It was always above perfectly.

Zayn stayed back in art class these days so he could think on his project. An amateur project really where he had to draw the object of his liking with a representation of surrealism on half of the face and what everyone else sees. 

The only problem was that he couldn't think of anyone. 

Louis was an open book. Harry was an open book. He barely knew Liam and Seth...

Which left Niall. 

Zayn adored Niall with every single space of his beating heart. He couldn't do Niall because he couldn't think of Niall being two sided. Niall was happy and bright and beautiful and there was no second side to him. Even the thought made him sick to his stomach. 

Being too caught up in his own thoughts, he hadn't bothered to look up to see the door opening slightly to a slick Niall. So naturally, when thick hands wrapped around his waist and pulled him backwards, his heartbeat picked up. He was not going go get beat up in the only place he loved.

The person had turned him around and - oh.

'Niall. Don't scare me like that!' Zayn signed. Niall laughed and hugged Zayn properly, the darker boy wrapping his arms around Niall's neck. 'What if I was working on something? You could've messed me up!' Niall nods his head like he knows. The cocky bastard.

As a way to cool him off from the heat he never took on, Niall leaned forward to press a sweet kiss to his temple. 'You seemed stressed. What's happened?' Zayn shakes his head and smiles. He wasn't about to drag Niall into anything he shouldn't be in. 'No tell me, love. I can help.' Zayn thanks him for the offer. Niall looks at him again in that grilling and digging under sort of way, but nods. 'I love you.' Zayn's smile's blinding as he leans up to give Niall sweet Eskimo kisses.

"Hey lovebirds!" Niall pulled back at the voice and saw his four other friends walking through the small door. Zayn turns around also and smiles happily before running to Louis' side. 'Hello love.' Zayn laughs cutely. Louis had been trying to learn sign language for Zayn for a while now and every day surprised Zayn with something new. 'I learned how to sign Zayn, Niall's in love with you and he's a dick,' Zayn laughed again and nodded. It wasn't like he had no idea.

"I am not! Either of those. They're both wrong!" Niall yelled but signed as well. Bless his soul. "Anyway, I came to pick Zayn up so we could all go to dinner together." Zayn smiled huge and moved to his Niall's side. 

'Let me just get my stuff.' Niall went to help Zayn collect everything and to put his art supplies away safely.

'I have no clue on who to do my art project on.' Zayn admitted finally. Niall smiled at him and at the cutie he was. 'And I didn't want to tell you and ruin your night. I mean, it's my project and not yours. And-' Niall stopped him effectively by gripping his hands tightly.

'Baby. You could've told me. It wouldn't ruin my night. I'm glad you told me,' Niall signed. Zayn's smile was coy and shy, a hint of sadness in his eyes. 'Don't make that face, love. It's okay.' Zayn nodded at him and smiled instead.

The boys may have been too oblivious and too endeared in themselves that they hadn't noticed Louis recording.

v.

The restaurant was more than gorgeous and more than expensive, but Niall didn't mind paying for him and Zayn. After all, his smiles and laughs and bright eyes were priceless. 

"What would you all be eati- Niall?" Niall looked away from Zayn to the waiter and- Fuck.

Trent, his name tag spelled out. Niall looked up in worry and fear crossed his face. 

"Hey! You never texted me back! I meant to tell you about why I left this mor-"

"May I speak with you? For a second? In private?" Niall asked quickly. Trent had revealed too much. Louis, Harry, Liam, and Seth were onto him while poor, beautiful, oblivious Zayn watched in confusion as Niall left with the waiter.

Niall didn't turn around and kept walking forward until he was a far distance from the table. "What is this?" Niall asked angrily. It was wrong of him since he was the dick and Trent was doing his fucking job, but this wasn't happening and it got him to think about why he hadn't killed himself last night like he planned before getting wasted and taking Trent home. And then it got him to thinking about his lovely Zayn Malik sitting at that table feeling alone and in an everlasting silence he couldn't escape. 

"Did you read the note? I, uh, wrote down everything. I had to get to work and that's why I left. I was hoping you'd see it, but I'm not sure you did." Niall was blanking. He was at a loss for everything. Trent had a job and he was... he was working and apologizing and more of a man than Niall. This couldn't be it. There was so much confusion and wrong.

Trent's lips were moving but there was no sound. There was no understanding filling Niall's head. Zayn's face filled Niall's mind, filled every space. His smiling face and his sad face. His laughing face and his crying face. His gorgeous eyes and beautiful skin tone and his soft hands and in a voice he could only assume was Zayn's, once upon a time, came I hate you.

There was only darkness.

vi.

Zayn. 

There was no Zayn. 

There were no soft hands on him and no one trying to push pills and medicine and water at him. No one fretting for him to get better. 

There was no one.

vii.

'Where's Niall?' Zayn signs worriedly. Louis shakes his head unknowingly. They're still in the restaurant and waiting for Niall to return to the table. His heart was beating a little bit too fast in his thumping chest. His ribcage wasn't big enough to contain his big heart and it was leading him to where he knew Niall was. 

He got up hastily and started walking back there to see Trent and Niall both gone. 

His heart was shattering. It was falling down to his stomach and sitting like a rock. There were tears in his eyes and small hitches in his breath. 

He wasn't aware of the rest of the rest of the boys coming up behind him, Louis and Liam holding remorse in their eyes. Whatever game Niall was playing at this time was taken too far. Zayn's broken face was headlining and Niall would get so much shit after they found him. Not that they were worried of Niall's absence but more so Zayn's heart. There was nothing more upsetting than when Zayn was upset. 

'Lou. Take me home, please. I don't want to be here anymore,' Zayn signed. He wiped his tears away harshly before walking out and to the parking lot to gain some air and his breath. 

Niall had not only disappeared on their day out, but he disappeared with this unknown guy who was their waiter and left. He left! His tears were uncontrollable now as Louis walks to him and hugs him tightly. 

'It's not like him to do that. He's never left me without reason. He knows - he knows I can't deal without him. And he-' he cried into the small expanse of Louis's chest in attempt at feeling safe. It wasn't the same as Niall's lighter skin and broad body and safe, soothing breaths. It wasn't the same.

He pushed away from Louis and got into the car. 

Fuck. Damn Niall. Damn him.

viii.

'Zayn! Hey! Zayn! Stop! I wanna talk to you!' Niall was everywhere and Zayn had only realized that now. They were in school and Niall was in his classes and would not let up. The blond boy was becoming annoying as he popped in everywhere. But Zayn wouldn't allow it. Not in his art class. Absolutely not.

'Leave me alone, alright?' Zayn signed to him. He didn't look up from his project sketch where he was painting a half portrait of Niall and a half portrait of the evil Niall inside. 'Look! I figured out who to do my project on! Doesn't he look familiar to you?' 

Niall's sadness was deep in his chest as he looked over Zayn's project. It was him. It was the last person either of them thought it would be. 

'Why don't you go ahead and tell me the backstory on how you know him? Was he a lazy shag? Was he some idiot who stumbled into your trap? Did he spill his drink on you and promise to help out with that? Ya know what? Fuck this.' Zayn drops his pencil and gets up immediately out of his seat, sending it flying back. 

The entire art class was staring at them but no one dared to stop them. No one bothered to really care because this was Zayn and Niall and Zayn listened to one person; Niall.

But this was different. Zayn was crying now, wiping at his face as inconspicuously as he could. He hated crying in public but he was reduced to it now. Reduced to losing his mind over the absolute dick Niall was. 

'I used to admire you. I used to adore your company and everything you did for me. Everything you did for us. But fuck you. Go on fucking all the random shags you want. They don't care. You don't care either apparently.

'I love you, Niall. Or at least I used to. You're nothing to me now. You don't deserve any of this. Louis and Harry and Liam and Seth I feel bad for. Because they have hearts and won't leave you like that. Keep them while you can. You have that much to live for since I will no longer be here.'

This was officially the unofficial breakup.

This was the line. The final straw. The deep end of the pool.

'Goodbye, Niall.'

ix.

Trent could not take a hint.

Niall had tried everything in his possible will to get Trent away without actually kicking him out of his god damn house. He really had tried everything, but Trent had that thing called a skyrocketed sex drive and Niall liked taking advantage of it. It was wrong and disgusting for him to be doing that, but he was desperate to take Zayn off of his mind even if through sex, all he could think of was Zayn.

"Baby, I'm horny. C'mon and play with me." Trent hissed seductively. He hooked his chin over Niall's shoulder to look down at the homework he had to do, but paid no mind to it. Trent had no regards for his schoolwork whatsoever, granting him free access to all the fun this world could offer. 

And Niall couldn't fucking take it. He couldn't take this hyper active, dumb, irritating nuisance any longer. He wanted soft, sweet, quiet, intelligent, talented, loving Zayn. 

"Niall. Come give me a kiss!" Trent whined pathetically from his open legged spot on the bed. It wasn't a suggestive gesture, at lease, not to Niall, and it actually came off really rude, cocky, ignorant, obscene, and overall unbearable. Niall's eyes widened when he saw Trent reach down to his erection and tug a little, head lolling back.

"Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out of my house now. I don't give a fuck and neither do you so get out." Niall exploded. This was his own fucking fault and if he wasn't such an idiot, then he would've been fine. 

Trent looked hurt, which surprised Niall, nonetheless, and got up wordlessly to head to the door. Niall didn't bother to notice the hesitation in Trent's step right at the door. 

It was silent. It was deafeningly silent. The room rattled at the force of the door slam, but when everything settled back down, it was silent. Niall was confused and tired and annoyed and alone and-

So was Zayn. Every single day of his life.

x.

"Louis, please! Please, please, please let me speak to him." Niall pleaded. When the thought hit him, he ran to get to Louis's house and be at his front door. Sprawled on his knees, blue eyes desperate, hands clasped in prayer begging. "I love him, Louis. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him because he means too much to me. A lot. He means the universe to me and I can't keep living with this guilt. I want him back."

The sun was setting softly behind them, the sky a luxurious garnett fading into its separate magenta and orange paths. The moon was there and bright for a night like this. Everything was too bright for a terrible time like this. Louis's sorrowful eyes especially.

"You're an idiot." Louis scolded before shutting the door on Niall. Tears were escaping now, the sky quickly fading to black... too fast. All moving too fast. 

Niall knew it wasn't wise, but he sat on the porch floor with his back against the door and did not move at all. He watched the moon in the sky and prayed that everything would be okay. 

It was an hour later and Louis just got up to check if the bumbling idiot who was Niall Horan had left yet, but no, the Irish idiot was still there and lying on his side. He was crying still, but his body was drying out and finishing off. He was tired. 

"Niall James Fucking Horan, go home before you get a god damn fever." Niall flinched at the voice and sat up to show Louis his reluctant tears. "Niall, honey, please." The blond boy lied back down with his back to the window Louis was at. Niall kept crying until the breeze lulled him to sleep.

xi.

Zayn pulled up into the house late from his shift. It was a colder night than the others and Zayn had to pull the sweater down his arms and bunched the ends into his hands. He felt bad for the people that were out and around at this time where even his cheeks were red and numb.

He got everything out of Louis' car and began walking to the front door. But...

Zayn gasped when he saw Niall lying on the ground, body wrapped around itself to protect from the cold. Tears welled up in Zayn's eyes to see the blond like that, but there was a reason, he remembered. A reason he couldn't wake the blond and nuzzle into his chest like he used to be able to do on any given day. 

'Zayn! You're home, love.' Louis takes Zayn's coat. When he's this close, he sees the wall of tears in Zayn's eyes and wipes them in a silent understanding, the darker boy leaning into the comforting touch. He needs it right now. Needs the other body. 'We'll talk about this later,' Louis signs silently. Zayn smiles when Louis kisses his forehead, that soothing pressure empowering him. He kisses Harry and Liam too, the two boys holding him tight in understanding.

Zayn felt a tug at his heart. He knew he was being mean and no matter what the blond did, he could never be this rude to anyone. 'I hate to leave him out there.' Zayn looked at the window longingly. His heart couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed the nearest blanket and pillow off the couch and went outside to cover the blond boy up and rest his head. He kissed Niall's forehead and walked back inside to a welcoming Louis who caught him when his knees buckled and tears fell.

xii.

It was six months later and Niall was sleeping with any man he bumped into at his club. He only had sex with people, pulled out at the last second, covered them, and made them leave even if they hadn't cum yet. He was selfish and rude and becoming a hateful man. 

He woke up every morning and sat at his desk. He remembered a time for everything, his favorite being the first and last time he and Zayn were in the room together. 

'You're actually bringing me into your room?' Zayn signed happily, He was fourteen years old and in love with his best friend. His best friend bringing him into his house for the first time. 

'It doesn't compare to your room. Trust me it's a little, um, scary.' Niall knows that it's the wrong wording, but Zayn doesn't care. He thinks of this as a step stone. It's Niall showing him his room. 

They reach the door and Niall hesitates before opening the door. Zayn's heart stops. 

Zayn's room was yellow and bright, massive windows lighting up the entire room. He was surrounded by positivity and colors and smiles and loveliness... but Niall was not.

Niall's room was dark, scary, daunting. His walls were gray, his bed black. It was so bland and kind of scary, the world losing it's luster through this room. Zayn hadn't realized it, but he grabbed Niall's arm tightly in fear. Being in the room made him a little nauseous, but when he grabbed Niall, he was better then. 

'Are you okay, love? Do you want to get out? I know it's a lot,' Niall signed. Zayn shook his head even if he wanted to get out of there more than anything. He wasn't giving up any of this because of his stupid fears. 

Zayn walked forward into the room and his heart sped up when Niall closed and locked the door. What was happening? His grandmother warned him about this. Warned him about what happens next. But this was Niall and Niall could never hurt Zayn. Right? 

'Zayn. Come here.' Niall was standing by the window with a distant look in his eye. Zayn trusted Niall, he told himself that over and over again. He trusted him, he trusted him, he trusted him.

Niall's hand was cold against his warm one, eyes blue and icy in the night. 'You have to trust me. I'm sorry you have to see this, but this is who I am. You have to keep loving me.' Niall pleaded. He couldn't lose Zayn. Zayn was more important to him than anything else in the world. But Zayn nodded. Zayn did love him and forever would for the rest of his life. 

'I trust you. I will always love you. No matter what.' Niall smiled at that. And pulled him through the open window. The sky was a dark blue, a million stars lining up the sky. The moonlight was shining so bright in the dark, piercing straight rays down on Zayn. 

Niall looked at Zayn staring at the world from above this huge apartment. And he was mesmerized. There was Zayn lying in the glow of the moon and Niall being in the dark. Like it always was. Like it forever would be. It would never change. They would never change and neither would any of this. 

xiii.

"Fuck! Oh, oh Niall! Fuck me harder!"

Disgust. Remorse. Self hatred. Boredom. Sadness. Anger. Loneliness.

Every awful emotion he could feel for himself was swimming inside him.

But most importantly, emptiness. He was empty.

xiv.

At 9 months, finally, Niall had an idea. 

After smoking a bowl and drinking until he couldn't feel his toes, he got onto his tumblr. Everything was jumbled and miscombobulated in Niall's mind. Everything was funny too. 

He really hadn't meant to, but an hour later, Niall was watching the same YouTube video over, and over, and over again, finally putting it into his favorites before conking out. 

xv.

"Louis, please. I know how to get him back. I have an amazing idea." Okay, maybe Niall had a little much to drink, but he was serious when he said he knew this was the way back into Zayn's heart. There was no other way. It was a gamble of luck and love. If it worked, Zayn was his again. If it didn't, Zayn would never be his again.

"Niall, I don't know," Louis sighed. He knew Zayn and Niall were hurting the same way, Zayn's heart on a loop of sadness. He just moaned and groaned and cried and sobbed and never stopped. Louis was getting tired of it. "I mean, Harry's helping watch him and Liam's being normal Liam and I know I'm a bad person for this, but I've never had to deal with Zayn like this because you always do it. You always make him happy and deal with him and I just want to sleep because he's so much," Louis was right in saying that. Zayn had always been a handful and truthfully, only Niall understood him. At least, he liked to think so. 

"But I don't think you have the right to come back into Zayn's life." Niall felt his heart break a little. Zayn was Niall's everything and to be told that he had no right to be brought back, well it stung a little. 

Okay, it stung a lot.

"Louis, please, I can fix this. I know I can," Niall would get down on his knees if it came down to it. Niall would even become Louis's servant if it meant he got to try to get Zayn back to where he belonged. "Just please let me try to do this. I know it'll work. I can feel it." 

Louis wanted to say no remarkably badly, but Niall's crying now. And Niall doesn't cry. Niall smiles and lights up the world around him. He. Doesn't. Cry.

"You have three days. Whatever you're planning, you have three days." Louis turns quickly and walks inside but not before giving Niall a big hug and kiss.

xvi.

"Zayn Malik I swear to god I can't stand you most of the time I swear to fucking god, I am going to kill you one day. No, you will be the death of me. I swear." Louis realized he was yelling like a crazy man, but Zayn couldn't hear him so he didn't mind. "I'm doing this for your own good, please, Zayn." Louis kept talking to himself as he dragged Zayn up. 

The black haired boy was not budging though. He was taking none of it. He didn't care that it was a sunny day and that his friends and family missed him. He didn't care anymore. 

He was being too stubborn for his own health. Louis realized this quickly when he lifted Zayn. He was even lighter than he had been previously. And Louis thought that was actually impossible. This wasn't going to slide.

'Zayn,' Louis signs softly. He pulls Zayn's face to look at him. Zayn looks at him reluctantly and again, he hates himself. He just hates himself and his fucking disability. 'Look, baby, we need to talk. You're too thin. And all this isn't healthy. We're all worried about you," Louis signed. It was true. All the boys were really worried about his health. They hated seeing their Zayn so weak and fragile.

'I don't fucking care, Louis. Let me die in peace,' Zayn signs. He's not moving or going to let Niall win this fucking game but a part of him knows he's already lost. 'I just want to die. I don't want Niall to win this fucking game. He's probably happy and joyful and totally loving his life and I just want to die, Louis. Why won't you let me?' 

Louis knows Niall broke Zayn's heart, but he had no idea Niall broke Zayn down to this. He was actually a broken toy. He believed he had no more purpose for life ever again. He actually thought it was all done for.

'No. No, baby, please don't say that. Niall isn't... He's not okay. You're both in terrible conditions and I can't stand it. You will not die. I won't let you die. There is no game. There never was a game.' Zayn was shocked to hear that Niall wasn't okay. He really hated hearing that. He absolutely hated the thought of Niall not being okay. He only wanted his Niall to be okay.

'He played me. He's been playing me my entire life. He never cared. He should be ecstatic the burden of worrying for me is finally off his shoulders. He can be all alone and do all he pleases without needing to worry about his sad, stupid, little fucked up best friend.' He doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it. He's only speaking insanities because he's not in his best mental state. He tries to force himself to stop being so sad, but fuck. His thoughts have minds of their own

Louis is only worried about Zayn. Extensively now.

'Zayn. C'mon. Stop this nonsense. Calm down, alright?' Louis signs to Zayn. He takes the black haired boy into his arms and kisses his cheeks where the tears have fallen. Louis holds his hand tightly. He just wants to be there for his baby. Zayn had always practically been the little brother of the entire group and he was hurt and had been hurt for a very long time and it just all sucked.

'I'm calling Liam and Harry. We're scheduling a day out.' Zayn nods and Louis kisses his temple again. ''You'll be okay, baby. It'll all be fixed soon.'

xvii.

Zayn's not really sure where he is, but he knows that he can't hear or see a god damn thing. Louis' holding his hand tightly and leading him through the darkness but that's the only thing he can feel or be assured of.

He kind of picks it up though as they walk deeper in. He can smell the familiarity of the pub and can feel how familiar the atmosphere is. It's Niall's pub. Zayn knows it's Niall's pub because Niall loved going there to play his guitar and he loved the way Niall held his waist when they walked through the pub together and he showed Zayn off like no other. 

He felt more ethereal than he had felt in a very long time.

He suddenly feels Louis's hands on his shoulders and pushing him down onto the chair. He sat down and immediately went to look for Louis's hand. He grasped it tightly and sat impatiently. 

It felt like centuries before a light came on right on the mini stage he remembered. He finally saw Louis beside him, Harry next to Louis, Liam on Zayn's left, and Seth next to him. He couldn't see the people behind him, but he knew they were there. 

What was going on? 

'Lou, what the hell?' Zayn signs. Louis doesn't answer him but talks to Harry instead. Ugh. 

So as more centuries pass, Zayn really just hates all of his friends. He kind of just hates life. 

He looks to his right though when Louis begins smacking his arm and pointing to the small stage. Zayn looks up and he sees someone he remembers as the owner come up to the mic. 

'Hello ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, we have a very important show for a very important audience member,' Louis signs for him.

And to be fair, Louis's heart is really thudding like crazy. He's got butterflies in his stomach and he sees the curiosity in Zayn's eyes and he's maybe kinda freaking out. 

"Haz, what if this doesn't work?" Harry has his boyfriend's hand held in his tightly in security. He knows it'll work though because there's no way it wouldn't. 

"Baby," Harry takes Louis's face in his and holds him tight. "It's Zayn and Niall. They always fix things themselves. They will find a way to get through this. Let the universe do as it wants." 

So Louis sits and watches as Niall sets up and sits on the stool. He looks nervous and absolutely exhausted. 

But Zayn. 

It's almost as if the entire rest if the world has disappeared. He sees Niall looking so tired and fragile and shaky and it's so unsettling. It's scary really. 

They make eye contact and it's electric. There's so much electricity charged in their sullen eyes towards each other that when they meet, it's mortifying. 

Zayn can feel slight vibrations in his seat and he knows there's music playing but he doesn't look to see where it's coming from. He's just glued to Niall's gaze. 

'Guess it's true   
I'm not good at a one night stand

But I still need love  
Cause I'm just a man. 

These nights never seen to go to plan.

I don't want you to leave  
Will you hold my hand?'

Zayn swears he's not crying. But Niall's on stage and singing and signing all of the lyrics for Zayn and it's all just too surreal to be true. Zayn doesn't understand what new force takes over him as he gets up and just walks forward towards Niall. 

He would kill to hear his voice. 

Niall doesn't know how if starts, but he's watching a new Zayn walk towards him and he feels himself finally crying and just letting it out.

'Oh wont you   
Stay with me? 

Cause you're   
All I need.

This ain't love   
It's clear to see. 

But darling  
Stay with me.' 

Zayn is standing at the foot of the stage and Niall's looking right at him. Their eyes are still covered and hazy, but they'll get it right soon. 

xviii.

Zayn stands by the light post outside of the pub with a cigarette in one hand and water in the other. He's shaking from head to toe and he's still crying. 

It's a colder night again, but he feels like he's got enough fire in his heart to burn him to ash. 

There's sudden light from the pub's entrance and...

He's dropping everything and going for a straight sprint. He sees Niall turning to him and they lock eyes before Zayn is running right into Niall's open arms. He meets the stronger body and collapses in the heat and strength he missed so much. Niall has him up and they're just holding on to each other in the cold wind and they feel the love circulating through their veins.

For now, that's all they need.

**Author's Note:**

> So much for first work up here! Thank you for reading!  
> Tumblr @ zayniebuttfuck


End file.
